Finally the last day of year 2011, a year filled with much bitterness and sorrows, now i've come to bid farewell to you. Well, to my readers, it may be just some vague and subjective sensations but it takes on the meaning of my life in this year.
i believe people do change, like what the old people used to say, “经一事，长一智”. For myself, i think every experience that i gained, it alters a bit within me. Experience cannot be measured. Thus, i can't say that 'I have gained more experience than anyone else'? but as days fly by, these changes become so significant that it sends chill down my spine. what kind of person have i become now? perhaps i don't even have the answer.
Flipping through my reminiscence diary used for this year helps me remember the events of the year, and flashbacks of memories came flowing back to me. which are also the memories which i want to erase. and a relationship which i don't really want to begin. How do i put them into words? How do i describe what exactly i am feeling? maybe sorrows are what made me grow so unexpectedly.
In January, while my school mates are preparing for school to start, i had already initiated the planning for the bukit batok co's first public concert at the conference hall. The nightmare lasted till 13 August '11 (i will never forget this date). I've never felt so drained before because every problem or situation that arised was my responsibility. For the first time being the organizer, i didn't know what to expect. My stress level hit above my tolerance line and i broke down so many times just for that concert. Totally failed as the leader and the stress was even transmitted to other members. Thankfully, the concert was successful but my team had to cover the '残局'.
After the concert in August, i gained back my life slightly. i experienced what is called '能够做自己喜欢的事，是世界上最幸福的事'. Got back my status as a member and can finally play my sheng during practice and not just bury myself into the admin work. But sometimes, happiness can only last for a short period. As i realised that school life is coming to an end soon, will the concert in next year February be my last? Once i start the shift work, going to the 'usual' practice every sunday seems like an impossible task.
In the last month of 2011, December, i met significant events that caused my emotions to sky-dive. Clinical attachment was supposed to bring me back the colors of my life, and it did for the first 2 weeks. But the last week became the period of tears, just like Aug. I realised now that i don't really hate A&E but only the nurse that i couldn't get along. However, i knew i needed to go overseas in need to breathe, but was drowned in the sorrows again. Been organizing outings and gatherings to brighten up my mood a little.
Luckily, i had great days spent with alvin and adelyn at the first aid course, together with a bunch of crazy people! if not for the sarcastic remark made by one of my close friends, i would probably be on clouds nine now. Besides, getting an injury which stops me from running or swimming is really dampening my spirit more than ever. Will 2012 be a better year for me?
My resolution in 2012 is to open my heart and face it bravely. only when i am able to do it, then will i truely find happiness in what i do and be able to feel the touch in the heart.
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